Life is Like a Stove-top….three questions to help keep the burners in balance.

We all get the same four burners to work with. Friends burner, family burner, work burner, personal health and fitness burner.

We can only have one burner on high at a time without burning everything. And if you cook like me sometimes even that’s too much LOL but if you’re a cook you know this is true, two burners on high and something gets burned. Same with life, if your work burner is on high you just can’t have friends burner on high or your health and fitness burner on high too. People try to do it for sure and some people manage for a little while. But in the end your body, your personal life, or something suffers. Eventually the pilot goes out and your sidelined for a bit.

What I try to teach clients in my training studio is how to manage the other three burners when one burner is on high. You may have noticed when your work burner gets on high your personal health and fitness burner goes off, or when your family burner is on high whether it be due to small children, aging parents or whatever is going on in your family life, when that burner gets on high, personal health and fitness burner goes off again. It always seems to be the first burner that people shut off to conserve energy for the other burners. But this is really very counterproductive, it’s the burner you most should keep on. But the key is to learn to keep it on at a manageable flame.

I have been forced to face this reality in my personal life lately. My personal health and fitness burner and my work burner tend to fall into one at times. They both end up on high and as a result my health and fitness burner started faltering. My body is responding to me expecting too much of it and now it’s working at sub optimal. This is very frustrating and sometimes when I can’t do things the way I think they should be done I’m tempted to not do them at all.  What I had to realize is that putting my health and fitness burner on high or prioritizing it meant I needed to do less! “Do less”! my brain is just screaming….”I don’t work that way….Do more is how I operate”

There is where I had to step back and ask myself three questions….

1. What is my priority? My health, the longevity of my health, my family, my friends and my job. My job because it is my passion and without my health I can’t do it.
2. What do I value in my life? I value my family and friends above all else. I value honesty, and integrity. If I value my family they would want me to be healthy, not doing MORE. They don’t need more from me, they need me. And if I am honest with myself I need to slow down, take breaks. Integrity means I do the right thing not the easy thing. The right thing is to listen to my body, my family and friends. The easy thing is to do what I want.
3. What do I do with this information? I look at my schedule and I prioritize. I plan and I be intentional about my days and my life. I look at what burners are on high and how I can lower them WITHOUT shutting them off.  I may need to enlist the help of family and friends I may need to delegate, but whatever it is I need to do it. No one else is going to do what is best for me, this is my responsibility.

So take a look at all your burners. Do you have a good balance going on right  now, or are a couple of burners running hot? Putting you at risk of an explosion…we have all had that explosion at one time or another….not fun 😦

I did three things in the Louisville St Patty’s Day half marathon that I’ve never done in a race before.

I walked, I stopped, and I cried ……yep I cried and I cried hard. Thankfully the crying came after I crossed the finish line. I have never done any of those things in a race, ever, and I managed to do them all three in this one race. My first out-of-state race, I was so excited to do this race. I completely fell apart.

You may have read some of my blog posts on my victories and triumphs over anxiety. I am conflicted as to whether this blog post is about a victory over anxiety or a fail. I guess it is a victory but it was an ugly victory I don’t feel very successful. But life isn’t linear, things don’t always go well and the ugliness has to be shared along with the glory. And there is a lot of beauty in this ugly story, but I need you to understand there is another side to the story. Because if like me you have struggled with anxiety or depression you know that not everyday is a good day, but we can and we must find something good in everyday.

Life has been a series of setbacks and fails lately. It’s hard when you have a few of them in a row, it rocks your confidence.

When I made the decision early February to visit my daughter in Colorado I had a conversation with her about the fact that she rides a gondola into work everyday. I’m extremely claustrophobic and I really didn’t want to ride the gondola if it didn’t matter to her whether I saw where she worked or not. She assured me that it didn’t matter to her. But after giving it some thought I decided I was ready to face that fear. I watched some YouTube videos of the ride daily to remove any of the unknown and get myself excited about it. But after the whole snake drama and the night in the hospital ( you’ll have to read my previous post to catch up on all that) I’d used up the reserves I had. When it came time to ride the gondola I didn’t ride it. I also didn’t spend the whole rest of that day beating myself up, it did not define who I was, it was just an event. But this shook my foundation a little and I’ve let doubt and fear creep in. So I was very much looking forward to the race in Kentucky to boost my confidence again. I just felt sure I could do well in this race.

Nothing went as planned.

The person riding down with me had had a rough week at work and we didn’t get on the road until 6:30 Friday night. I tried to remain upbeat and reassure him how all would work out. But he was having a hard time shaking the stress of his week. We stopped to get a bite to eat and the food was not great further exasperatingly our moods.

 

We got to my brother’s house very late that night. The next morning we grabbed some coffee and then went out for a run. We no more and got started out on the run and my friends back went out 😦

We went to pick up the packet and packet pick up had been the day before. I have talked to a few other racers and I guess I am not alone in really wanting all my shit before race morning. So this threw my flow off a bit.

I always like to preview the race course (I have also discovered I am not alone here either.), it helps to have some reference points when you brain is going AWOL. You know you can just get to the next tree, house, corner…whatever it is. Upon getting to the race course on Saturday to just drive it, I discover it is a 100 mile biking trail. So no way I can do a preview run the day before. I console myself here by reminding myself it is an out and back so only 7 miles of it will be unfamiliar.

None of these things in and of themselves are a big deal, but stringing them all together starts to chip away at you. Throw in the usual challenges of a destination race like you are sleeping in a strange bed, and not eating your typical pre race food. (my first fail…not planning ahead and preparing some food. This is rule #1 in my training studio and I failed to execute my own advice)

Even as I am typing this I can already see the lessons. *Control what you can and let the rest go* I absolutely did not plan well and did not go into this controlling what I could. I had a very go with the flow attitude. Which is probably great if you are not a person who struggles with anxiety attacks. I know me and I should have known better.

So race day……

We get to the race early so I can pick up my packet, not the way I like to start but it went quickly. My race support person I brought along is usually stellar at handling everything so I can just get there and race. But his hectic work week and back situation left him not at the top of his game which had me feeling bad for him and not on getting mentally prepared.

Like I said the course was on a bike trail, which meant I could not drive the course the day before. This is HUGE for me. Combined with knowing where my support person will be on the course is a major factor in mentally pushing through any difficulties on the course. I had none of this! I had no idea where or if I would see anybody on the course. The comfort of it being and out and back quickly dissipated when by mile 3 I was already tired of running up hills….gah!! I passed mile 4 on a long switchback down a hill in the woods. I turned around just in time to see that mile 10 was in the middle of that hill going back up. Oh shit! This was the beginning of my mental demise. By the time I got to mile 5, I was freaking out in my head.

Here are some of the lovely things my friendly negative committee were repeating unrelentingly.

*Your lost…really?! As I type this now I think how could this have become a thing in my head. It was a trail that you really couldn’t get lost on.

*I am all alone…..with hundreds of other runners. Goof grief, stupid thinking. Yet you know how it is when you can feel all alone in a crowd.

*You are going to pass out, just like you did in Colorado. This was really on repeat in my head. That night in Colorado was so scary and uncomfortable for me. Hopefully time will put some distance between me and those memories. Unfortunately, for now, it was still fresh in my mind and I, you know, was already lost and alone, so no EMT’s were gong to be able to get to me if this happened again.

As my head was about to explode I saw four runners coming towards me clearly not with the race. Maybe they could help me I thought, since they are not racing and have no time goals. One of the girls noticed I was distressed and asked if I was ok .(thank God for sisters who are intuitive to another sister need!)…….”No, No, I am not I said”. She was so sweet and told me I was close to the turn around and told me it was flat. As she was so sweetly trying to encourage me Heather ran by and waved me to keep going and catch up to her. (pause for me to sit her and cry again…feeling kind of like a loser, feeling frustrated with myself, feeling a little self  shame. Where does this come from? It is only self imposed, I am, I believe a child of God, worthy not because of anything I do. Energy goes where where attention flows. I need to focus on the good) Heather and I run to the turn around together and then I ease back in to my pace and set my sights on finishing this half marathon.

I see my brother and Tina at mile 9, such a beautiful sight! Then Jeff right on that awful section of switchbacks up the hill at mile 10. Halleluja! BTW…I am coming back for those hills. If you know me, you know I love hills and they are usually my secret weapon. Next year I will be back to conquer those dam hills. (If you are from West Michigan, these are the equivalent of Johnson Park hill or John ball Zoo hill times 5 at the switch back and then 5 other spots where you just get then one at a time).

In the end I managed to finished, with a fairly respectable time I suppose. Life with anxiety is often up and down, well lets face it, that is life in general right? I will learn more form this event than if it had gone perfectly. The valleys teach us, the mountain tops build our confidence. We need both, they are yin and yang.

On Monday I let myself feel sad and defeated. I told myself you get one day then get the fuck over it. So today I got up, ran, showered and went to a Kent County parks meeting. Where I was reminded how running is about the beauty around me. I was blessed to sit with others runners who reminded me I am not alone. I did it…I ran my first out of state race, I met some wonderful people, I got to connect with a friend whom I met teaching an outdoor fitness class several years ago, I got to spend a few days building a relationship with family. My team was there for me no matter how ugly it was, I have people that are there for me. What more can a girl ask for! These are the things that add value to my life…people and experiences. I am a winner! Just like in my training studio…..we stress the muscle then let it rest, while it repairs itself it becomes stronger. This stress will only serve to make me stronger.

Thank you for letting me share my struggle with you. I would love to hear from my runner friends how you handle the really disappointing races and from anybody who shares my struggle. Much love

 

3 simple steps to having power over depression.

Can I talk to you for a minute about something that’s difficult for a lot of people to talk about. Actually I want to talk to you about two things. The word “my” and the word “depression”. Those two words should never be used in the same sentence and definitely should never be sitting next to each other.

I’m finding more and more people in my studio and I’m seeing it more and more on Facebook that people are referring to “their depression”. One dear soul I know recently posted on Facebook, “would you please lift up myself and my depression to the Lord , it’s been suffocating me, I need some relief”. This dear sweet person has a horrendously difficult life and faces a lot of adversity. But in that one little sentence she just gave a HUGE amount of her power away. She let the depression own her they calling it “my depression” and she gave it substantial power by saying “it’s” suffocating me. A more empowering statement might have went….”would anybody have time for a walk tomorrow or time to visit, I am feeling really depressed.” Some form of fresh air and fitness or time of fellowship would have been enough to take away that feeling of suffocation.

Now if you know me, you know I speak from experience. If you don’t know me, I spent many years allowing depression and anxiety to control me. I was terribly agoraphobic and had trouble driving anywhere, was sad and depressed most of the time. Quite frankly life was pretty difficult at that time, a lot of things were out of my control, but my thoughts weren’t, yet I didn’t take control of them. I ruminated in my head about the things I couldn’t control, leaving myself powerless. Instead of focusing on the things I could control, namely my thoughts.

“Be careful what you think, yourself is listening”. I say this often to my clients and when I’m teaching a spin class. Henry Ford said “if you think you can you can, if you think you can’t you can’t.” The statement isn’t just a cute little quote from a man who is very successful. This is the absolute truth. For many years in my counseling sessions my counselor made me keep a journal, on one side I had to write some of the negative or scary thoughts I had, on the other side I had to write a positive thought to replace it. Many many many times I would say to her, “that’s great but I don’t believe those thoughts in the right column”. She would say it doesn’t matter, if you keep saying them often enough someday you will. I had no idea at the time how right she was but I was determined to get better and I would try any thing. Anything that is except Pharmaceuticals. I don’t know how I knew it but in my gut I knew that that was giving my power away again and I wanted to get better and I wanted to get myself better. I just couldn’t buy all this chemical imbalance s***. And now we know, this “chemical imbalance” is a drop in serotonin. Well I guess we knew that all along but we were told (and still are told) we need Pharmaceuticals to fix it. Yes serotonin drops low and this causes anxiety and depression. But everybody’s serotonin drops. It’s not just a problem some people have. It probably happens to everybody, everyday. Women going through menopause live with a drop in serotonin on a regular basis. You can use this as an excuse, to lie down and complain that getting older sucks or you can manage your symptoms. Take control of what you can and thrive. Sure some days suck worse than others, it’s going to happen, life can be uncomfortable at times. You have to have coping skills to pull yourself back up. You have to know how to talk to yourself.

It takes work and practice though. You can’t just tell yourself positive thoughts and magically everything is better. Michael Jordan has said “I have missed more than 9000 shots, I’ve lost almost 300 games, 26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” He knew that it takes practice and a lot of misses to be successful. This is what Carol Dweck author of Mindset describes as a growth mindset.

This is something I am incredibly passionate about, and what my whole training business is about. You come in and you work on your physical body but we’re working on thoughts as well. I’ve seen clients come to me who have been abused as children wearing that coat of depression. I’ve seen the same clients move beyond it and live amazing empowered lives. It’s just retraining that brain to accept life as it is and not as they think it should be. And then move forward to create the lives they want.

Your life today is a result of yesterday’s choices. Today is what it is, but tomorrow is what you decide to be.

There are 3 simple things you can do to start this change.

1. Evaluate your friendships/relationships...If you want to know what your life will look like in 5 years look at your 5 closets friends. If they are fiscally responsible, you likely will be debt free and paying your bills in 5 years, if they drink beer and eat pizza on a regular basis you will probably be overweight and unhealthy in 5 years.

2. Evaluate your eating habits and fitness routine.…..You simply are what you repeatedly too. And nothing will cause depression like no exercise and poor food choices. Now I absolutely recommend taking it slow here. Do not try to over haul this area of your life all at once. Research proves we can only successfully change 1-3 habits at a time. Knowledge is power so record everything you do, eat and drink for one week. Then from it pick one or two things to work on for a few weeks. When you feel like you have it down, pick one or two more.

3. Don’t go it alone,…..find a group or friend who loves you but not too much. 🙂 This needs to be someone who will help you push through when it gets uncomfortable. We were created for community, our ancestors only survived because they worked together to accomplish the goal. You will need your tribe to be successful.

If you need a little help getting started on creating your new life contact me. I would love to help.    www.kymmatthews.com   or kym.fusefitness@gmail.com

Snake Story Pt 2

He who asks a question remains a fool for five minutes. He who does not ask remains a fool forever. ~ Chinese Proverb

I often say to my kids God will move mountains but you’ve got to bring your shovel. Nothing frustrates me more than when people say I’m praying about it, I’m just going to trust God to give me the answers (fix my problem). I believe God has already equipped us to handle or solve any problem or situation that comes our way. We just have to start doing, sometimes that means asking, sometimes that means planning, sometimes that means stepping back re-evaluating and moving in a different direction. But it never means just waiting.  This is where the next half of the Luna story picks up. We start with a lot of asking.

By the time we find out Luna does not have a home its early evening on a Sunday night. Most stores are closing, so we go to the only pet store open at the moment, a nearby PetSmart and inquire if they have any suggestions or if anyone there could even take her. Nope….sigh

What to do? Libby has already been texting anyone and everyone she knows asking if they can take her, I have text anyone and everyone I know out in the area which is all of about 3 people and Jeff who is absolutely terrified of snakes is being a huge trooper about being stuck with Luna few more days. Driving out there for 2 days with her in our car was a gigantic test of his coping skills. I cannot think of anything that causes Jeff fear let alone this much fear. It is an understatement to say he hates snakes. First round of asking turns up nothing.

By this point we are all hungry and emotionally drained. So we drive to a nearby gas station to buy some more hand warmers to try to keep Luna warm and head to a restaurant to get a bite to eat and strategize. While at the restaurant round 2 of asking begins. We first asked our waiter, who then asks the bartender, who then ask everyone at the bar. Had we not been so distraught over Luna we would have realized how hysterical this looked. I told one girl at the bar who had said no that I could wait it out until she drank enough to say yes 🙂 she laughed and said that was actually a brilliant idea. A funny moment but in the reality of it we love Luna and we didn’t want to send her off with just anybody. The problem was our Airbnb specifically stated no pets. So this meant we would have to get a pet friendly hotel room to bring Luna into instead of going back to our wonderful Airbnb. But wait, if we don’t ask we won’t know right? So I was absolutely terrified to do it, but I stepped into discomfort and messaged our Airbnb host to ask if we could bring Luna in. Our Airbnb host Violetta and Juan where amazing people! Violetta grew up in El Salvador on a coffee bean Plantation and Juan grew up in Mexico one of five siblings in a sheep herding family. Juan is now a structural engineer and responsible for several of the platforms that service the light rail in Denver and Violetta is a research scientist. Their story would take a whole other blog post. To say the least we walked away from our short stay there much different people than we arrived. We learned a different aspect of immigration and since Violetta is a master composter for the city of Denver, we learned a lot about composting. They were incredibly gracious and allowed us to bring Luna in. So it took about five minutes of discomfort to ask but it saved me a lot of discomfort and having to pay for another nights lodging. Also Violetta knew the reptile curator at the Denver Zoo and was the first lead in getting us to Luna’s Final Destination. Without that five minutes of discomfort none of this would have come to be.

When we brought Luna in that night the little hand warmers had not been quite enough to keep her warm and she had already started to go into hibernation. This caused the tears to start flowing for me as I felt like a bad snake mom. Meanwhile I could see how this was just crushing my daughter Libby as well. So as any mom can relate, when your children are hurting you hurt and then when you are trying to be a responsible pet owner and you feel like you’re not, it just compounds. Eventually we get Luna warmed up and she seems to be happy. The next morning we wake up and try to start strategizing again. Karen the reptile curator at the Denver Zoo had informed us that she had no place for Luna there but gave us a list of pet stores to call. We started down the list and finally found one that would take Luna. With heavy hearts we packed everything up and drove Luna to this pet store. Libby and I went in while Jeff waited outside. This was a store full of snakes! He was not going to go in! The store’s owner took Luna into a back room and examined her. When she came out she told me that Luna was under fed and had scales on her eyes and a few other things, but that yes she would take her. This is where I just lost it. I felt horrible! Like I just been told I had underfed my own child. And to make matters worse I had cared for this snake for 2 years and just drove it 2000 miles, there’s no way this could end this way! Libby and I walked outside bawling, where Jeff waited to console us. This was more than Jeff could take and he marched back into the snake store (facing all his snake fear) to ask if they would just take her until we came back through on Wednesday and could take her back home. This was really uncomfortable for Jeff. He did not want to go in a store surrounded by snakes on every side, but if he didn’t ask we wouldn’t know. Again the answers were no from the store owner and from several customers in the store.

We were all three standing outside when a van pulled up to deliver feeder mice and rats to the store. I don’t even remember how we ended up striking up a conversation with them but we did and before long I was asking them if they would be willing to take Luna till Wednesday. It was a young girl and her boyfriend, they conversed back and forth for a second about what her dad would say and then she called her dad and asked. She asked 🙂 and he said yes 🙂 🙂 so we loaded Luna up into their van and we headed into the mountains for our two nights in Dillon. Which as you learned in snake story part 1 ended up being one night in the ER and then coming home LOL

After many tears and discussion we had a surrendered to the fact that Luna would probably be best off at a pet store going to somebody who could take better care of her. This made me feel sick all over again. We contacted Courtney who had our snake and arranged to meet her to pick up Luna and bring her back to the pet store. This time Courtney asked the question that changed the course of our path. “Can you come to our house, my brother is a snake breeder and would like to talk to you” Ummm…sure, ok  Jeff and I discussed was this a good idea? After all we don’t know these people…they are snake breeders! yikes! What if they are driving us to a warehouse to rob us, or tie us up with snakes…LOL Well as Jeff pointed out, they have the only thing of value we own…our snake….hahaha (Little did we know they were discussing the same thing about us, as they have just given total strangers the address to their home!)

When we arrive at their lovely home (not a warehouse full of snakes) we are invited in and meet the most amazing and wonderful family. We spent nearly two hours there just enjoying the company of new friends and sharing stories of our families with each other. Nick the brother had just wanted to tell me Luna was not under fed and the few things I could do differently to make Luna’s home more comfortable for her. As we were leaving I told them all that I had decided it was probably best to leave Luna at the pet store. Courtney then looked at her brother and asked if it would be possible for her to keep Luna as a pet, not one of their breeder snakes. Of course Nick was ok with this but what about dad……everyone looked to Anton the dad…..his answer was YES.

Yes, Luna now lives in snake foodie heaven…..since not only are they snake breeders but feeder mice and rat breeders too. Libby can see Luna anytime she is in Denver and Courtney keeps me posted with pictures. Yes strangely I miss Luna and just typing this makes me wish I could walk into her room and hold her for a bit. But she is near her mama Libby and is well cared for, so it is all for the best.

God knew all along this was how it was to be, but we had to ask, seek and knock…several times. So if you are facing a mountain, don’t give up easily, pick up your shovel, roll up those sleeves and start asking, seeking, knocking. You can’t see the beautiful paths on the other side of the mountain from the valley….you must climb.

Travis, Courtney and Libby they day we met Courtney in the parking lot of the pet store. Three of the most beautiful people I know!

Snake Story Pt 1

There are so many small stories and lessons in the snake story I’m not sure where to begin. But I suppose I’ll begin with the one part of the story that I am most passionate about and want for the world to hear the most.

When my daughter moved out to Colorado almost 2 years ago she left her ball python Luna in the care of me, her mother. Now if you had asked me 2 years ago if I would ever own a snake let alone love this pet snake you would have got a big fat “Hell no”! But sometimes you do really crazy things because you love your children….. and this is how Luna came to be a part of my life and stole my heart. Now I acted for a long time like I didn’t care about this snake and I didn’t like having her. But truthfully every time I walk in the house I’d say hello to her, I religiously checked her tank before I go to bed to make sure she’s okay, and oftentimes this is when she’s most active so then I’d chat with her. My daughter Libby is a bit of a gypsy and loves to live and work in a different part of Colorado about every 3 to 6 months. So it seemed Luna would be with me for a long time. But recently Libby found a friend who lived in the Denver area who would keep Luna so that she could see Luna more often.

Thus my journey began, I researched how to safely and comfortably transport a snake by car almost 2,000 miles away. All was going well till we arrived in Denver, to find out that the person who said he would take the snake no longer could or wanted to do this. We were literally at his apartment with the snake when we decided it would be better to come back in an hour when he had more time to get her set up. And all the sudden within that hour he decided he could no longer have a snake.

This is where I learned how much I loved Luna and how I was unprepared to just let her go. I’ll save the rest of the Luna story for part 2, but what happened in the next 24 hours was the result of me shedding many many Tears over the situation with Luna.

I cried much of that morning and intermittently as we traveled the nearly two hours to our next destination in Dillon Colorado. I even stopped once to buy a can of oxygen and a Starbucks iced coffee. Once we arrived in Dillon the mood lightened and my sadness eased. We, Jeff ( Libby’s dad) Libby and I decided it was a good evening to get some snacks and a movie and just chill in our condo on the lake. We enjoyed a pretty relaxing evening before retiring for the night.

About 2 hours after falling asleep I woke up to go to the bathroom. Everything seemed normal as I walked to the bathroom, but moments after I got to the bathroom I got really hot and everything started to go black except for a little tunnel. I thought it was a lack of oxygen so I walked towards the bedroom to get the oxygen canister, the next thing I remember was Jeff saying something to me. He found me part way out the front door in a little foyer on the phone with 911. He recalls me saying I was passing out and I was calling 911. The Summit County Fire Department and EMT team came and they were absolutely amazing! They made me feel comfortable and cared for. Apparently crying all day, drinking very little water, a Starbucks iced coffee and driving into high altitudes does not make your body happy. I actually knew all of this which is the frustrating part, but when you’re so concerned about your snake you forget to take care of yourself….. oye vey

This prompted a little trip to ER for me to get some fluids. This is the part of the trip I want you to pay attention to. This is the part of the trip that makes me want to scream. The EMTs had informed me that they had notified the doctor at the hospital that I would be coming and that I needed fluids. They did of course need to check my heart because the symptoms would be similar to a heart attack. I understood all this. As soon as I arrived and got put in a room, Dr Pelli came in with nurse Angie. Dr. Pelli stood slightly over my right shoulder leaning against the counter and nurse Angie immediately brought in several needles and an IV bag. Dr. Pelli started talking to me as I tried to look over my right shoulder to understand what he was saying while nurse Angie started preparing to put an IV in me. So much was going on at once and I was becoming overwhelmed. I finally asked everyone to stop what they were doing and give me a minute to catch my thoughts. This seemed to frustrate both Dr Pelli and nurse Angie. They continued on as if they didn’t hear me. This made me even more anxious and so I finally became agitated and asked them to all please just stop. I asked Dr Pelli to explain to me what was going on. The first thing he said to me was “you seem very anxious”, ” I responded “I am very anxious”, I just passed out, I’m in another state and I am not sure what is going on”. Of course in my head I was thinking are you f****** kidding me? Of course I’m anxious you would be to a******. I kept those thoughts to myself though LOL To this doctor Pelli replied “we need to get the IV in you and then we can give you something for the anxiety”. Before I could say anything my daughter chimed in and said ” she won’t take anything, she only does natural”…… because of course if you don’t pop a pill for every uncomfortable feeling you have then you’re a freak of nature. Anyway, I responded to Dr Pelli by saying “I won’t take anything for the anxiety, because I don’t need it. What I do need is for you to come around where I can see you face to face and just explain to me what’s going on”. This clearly didn’t make him happy, so nurse Angie grabbed half of her s*** off me and huffed out of the room, while Dr Pelli came around where I could see him better and talked to me like I was a two-year-old. Explaining that I had severe dehydration and they needed to get fluids in me. They were also going to run some blood tests just to check my heart. “Thank you” I said “I just needed to know what you were doing.”

Here’s what makes me so freaking frustrated about this scenario. I get a little anxious in a very anxiety-producing situation and they immediately want to give me meds for it!!! WTF!

It wasn’t that hard to calm me down, the paramedics did it beautifully. They sat face-to-face with me, talked to me and explained what they were doing and what was going on. But our world seems to think the minute we are uncomfortable we need some chemical to calm us down. Some might argue that this is ER and it works at a faster Pace. I understand that but, Dr Pelli was already informed of my situation. The paramedics had contacted him before they left me and Jeff said he saw on the screen that he already had an update all about me. I was coherent and I wasn’t complaining of any chest pain or heart symptoms at that time. Also all of my symptoms were very conducive to the dehydration and altitude sickness.

So why do we feel we need to medicate someone the minute they’re uncomfortable? Why do we feel we need to be medicated the first moment we feel uncomfortable? This is the problem we have in America right now. We don’t take the time to talk to each other, listen to each other, create safe space and empathy. The doctor labeled me as anxious, like this was something bad or I was somehow not right for feeling anxious. Anxiety is a normal response of our body. It’s often a response to a boundary violation. Which is something I was definitely feeling at the moment. It’s often a response to the unknown, and all we need to do is have a little more information and then more is known and we’re comfortable. We need to stop medicating ourselves, and our kids the minute they face an uncomfortable situation. This is life, there are lots of moments of discomfort. And if we don’t learn to handle them, and we don’t teach our kids to handle them we’re just setting ourselves and our kids up for failure.

One more thing I want to say about this is that I wasn’t asked if I wanted something for the anxiety. I wasn’t made a partner in my health care. I was told they would give me something for the anxiety, and then I’m pretty sure I would receive a bill for this. When a patient is capable I think we should be made a partner in our healthcare. They did a lot of things that night that I wasn’t asked if I wanted done or at the very least informed of before they were done. I only have catastrophic insurance so this is all out of pocket for me. I would have liked the opportunity to say whether I wanted a test run that may not have been absolutely necessary. Most of them probably were but I won’t know because I wasn’t asked or even informed of what they were doing. Somehow this just seems wrong to me.

In the end after they got the fluids in me my color came back and I felt much better. Meanwhile the Luna story continues. Stay tuned for part 2 of the snake story to hear about Luna’s new home.