Kympossible meets Derrick- unstoppable!

This is right after we finish. This is exactly what Derrick ran in. The hey dude slip ons made me so happy.

I have met so many incredible people in my life, but every now and again, I get to meet a super amazing person. This chance meeting was undoubtedly a Godstop, a God ordained moment in my life. An hour and 40 minutes to remind me who God is and how He operates.

Two significant themes in my life the past few years have been my struggles with anxiety and my deep search into who God is, what God is. What about this story we have been told, and why do we so blindly follow it. Along this journey, God has shown up in some intriguing ways and sometimes people. But honestly, it is more often in the world as a whole and around me.

This weekend, I was facing that new challenge. Traveling to a race with a friend and running without course support.

On Saturday night, I sat with my daughter and asked her if she was going to come to the race. “If you want me to,” she says. I knew that this was not really something she wanted to do, and I couldn’t blame her. As she pointed out, she sits there for an hour, only to see me run by for 6 seconds. 🤣 I said I would be fine and mostly I believed I would be but there was this little nagging fear in me that I had to overcome. Later that night she text me to say that she would be there if I wanted her to, and I again said I would trust God and face that fear.

Sunday morning, I woke up with an increased amount of anxiety. I texted her and Jeff to ask for prayers. She responded that she would get dressed and come to the start line. “No, no,” I said. I’m going to trust God to raise up a person or equip me with whatever I need to win against the anxiety. Because I had faced so many smaller dragons, I had built up a bit more confidence in my ability to face the anxiety.

My friend and I made our way to the start line. She was so encouraging. I know that she’s got me if I need it. I also know that I can call Kendra if I have a complete meltdown on the course. I scan the start line looking for this special person that God has for me. I started chatting with this really lovely woman. She even thanked me for chatting with her because she was here from Indiana. 

The gun goes off, and I start running. Less than half a mile in this guy says “hi.”

I respond with, “Hi, how are you today?”

He responds, “Great! Today is the best day of my life!”

O k now I’m intrigued. I don’t know if he said anything else before he started talking about a book he was reading. You know me, I love books! So now I’m really intrigued. I learned that he has been sober ten years, and just this past January 2nd, he gave up marijuana. He shares a bit about that journey. Then I share that I have a daughter who struggles. He asked her name, and then for the next half mile, he prays for her by name. Detailed prayers, not just your, please be with this person prayer but deep, meaning prayer. Throughout the next 13 miles, we run side by side. Sharing our hearts and him often praying for people in my life by name.

Derrick did not immediately strike me as someone I would end up running 13 miles at a 7:40 pace with. If I’m being honest, I don’t even think I would have seen him as a typical runner. Which I guess he isn’t a typical runner. We didn’t talk about his latest strava stats or his racing accomplishments. (He doesn’t have a smartphone or the internet) Although he does have a goal of doing an ironman, and I absolutely believe he will. He will complete an Ironman event, but he is already a superhero.

This is who God is. This is the God I’ve come to know over the past couple of years. He blends into the landscape of his creation, and he isn’t keeping track of his stats or mine, thankfully. There is no pressure to perform. There is only love in action. He is not checking to see if I am in a church building, He is out there on the course in his “Hey Dude” shoes. Just having a conversation without an agenda. No agenda. That is the real God. Because He knows that we need love. Once we know love, we will desire more of Him.

I have no idea if I will ever see Derek again. But I can tell you the thread he wove into the fabric of my life will shimmer a little brighter than some of the others. I believe he was a God sighting, and it spurred me to love more openly. To love without an agenda. To love without staking a line in the sand. To love without fear of hurt or judgment. To love because I know love.

Still Becoming Kympossible: The Snowball Effect

The snowball effect is a psychological term that explains how small action can cause bigger and bigger actions, ultimately resulting in a big impact. It’s been a few years of chiseling. Chipping away at anxiety and the panic that threatened to keep me from living my best life. It came upon me like a quiet robber in the night. I am not exactly sure when it entered my house. It suddenly had a hold of me by the throat.  I couldn’t breathe. I was paralyzed by this uncertainty.  Covid had shut everything down, and at first, it seemed like a welcomed break, and then it was holding me hostage.

At first, it was this horrendous struggle to go slightly outside my comfort zone. The drive to the grocery store less than a mile from my house nearly didn’t happen so many days. Things that I typically used to enjoy, like bike riding and running, were darkened by this underlying fear. Yet I kept trying and thank God for patient friends and acquaintances! SO many people knowingly and some probably unknowingly helped me face each struggle.

It’s still a struggle some days but less and less, and movement in a positive direction has picked up speed.

Recently, I had a couple of really big victories. One of them involved a total stranger showing up to be a huge part of the story.

2022 The small actions

Two years ago, I was signed up to do the groundhog half marathon in February.  I had signed up to volunteer for the Friday night event, then run the half marathon on Saturday. I needed to get myself back out to events as I was quite paralyzed by panic attacks during races. I set up a few safety nets, having a friend meet me on Friday night and then a group of friends coming to cheer me on Saturday morning. On the drive to the event Friday night, which is literally only a nine minute drive from my house the panic over took me. Ugh! I ended up calling a friend who followed me there and delivered me to my other friend at the event. So frustrating and humiliating, but I was determined to rise and be victorious the next morning. Well, nope. That morning, I woke with sheer anxiety and ended up calling a friend, who’s really not a morning person, to come and get me, bring me there, and even stay for a little bit. I finished the half marathon in a good time and left feeling a bit discouraged, but also knowing that this was just the beginning of fighting the battle. It was a year of many races where I just couldn’t breathe from all the anxiety. I did them anyway, I tried to set up as many safety nets as I could but there were times in the middle of the race that I was just crumbling under the weight of the anxiety.

That same month in February 2021, I signed up for a race up in Mount Pleasant by my daughter. I was determined to have a better experience than the week before, and it thankfully was. Three people were on the course to “save” me if I had a debilitating panic attack. There was a brief moment near the end of the course where I really struggled, but overall, it was a victory, another step towards breaking free.

2024 The Resulting Impact

This year has started off with me realizing the big impact these small steps have had. Last week, I ran the Ground Hog 1/6th. Which is the Friday night event in the dark. No one drove me there, I did not necessarily meet anyone there, although I knew I would know people there. I ran the race,drove home, and never had a moment of anxiousness.

I tend to rely pretty heavily on Jeff to be my safe person. So, I wanted to challenge myself to start doing these events without needing him to be at certain spots. He’s an awesome supporter and cheerleader. And I enjoy having him there. But I wanted to step away from needing him there. So backup to Mount Pleasant I went this past weekend with a friend. Several things about that alone are victories….. Traveling that far away! Going with someone new ( anxious people will understand how we really like familiarity), staying in a hotel that i’m unfamiliar with. All of these things would have been huge hurdles 2 years ago, but they barely registered on the radar for me this weekend.

A body at rest stays at rest. All it takes is one step to start motion. Then another and another, and pretty soon, you are rolling along. Little by little I keep climbing this mountain, and the views are incredible.  In the next part of this blog. I will tell you about one of the incredible views. I got to experience at my race last weekend

If you struggle with anxiety in any capacity. I would really encourage you to just start small. Know that there will be lapses. There will be times that you are just going to have to say not yet, not today. Be okay with that! Because the other alternative is to not move, and that is where inertia sets in. Forward is forward no matter how small. Believe me when I say they are going to  be really small in the beginning. You’re gonna ask yourself, am I even doing anything? Is this worth it? If you are trying, it is worth it. It takes a little while for that snowball to pick up momentum.  Be patient! Trust the process. Please feel free to reach out to me with questions. I would love to walk along this journey with anyone else who is struggling.

Check out my next blog for one of those incredible views!