I did it. I let my hope get too far in the door. My daughter had been trying, we enjoyed some really lovely moments together. I knew I was treading on thin ice, but I so badly want her to rise.
Last week, we had to discuss that her living in my driveway is temporary. I know she hoped it would be an option longer, and truthfully, so did I. She has just started to make progress. My slum lord has drawn a line. She can stay, but her dogs can not. Which normally would seem reasonable, but let me tell you a little bit about my rental and my landlord.
Let me digress for a moment. When I moved here nine years ago this month, it was a dump owned by an 80 year old man. Sweetest man, but he didn’t do much to this place. The carpeting and everything in it was shit. In the last nine years, I have painted almost every room, laid new flooring in one of the rooms, and landscaped. I have cleaned it up really nicely. I have lived with shitty appliances with mice living in them until I put my foot down last year. I have a shower that leaks that, oh my, if you could have seen the disaster she created trying to fix it and didn’t get it fixed. I have a sliding door that won’t shut all the way. I have rooms that carpeting has just been laid over other carpeting and never properly laid. The front door doesn’t shut properly. I mean, the list goes on. I do the best that I can with it. I pay rent every month and it’s not cheap rent. When my daughter first arrived, I let my landlord know that she was here for a little bit, and she had 2 dogs. She said that was okay as long as she cleaned up after them. Then she was here mowing one week and saw that the dogs were big and said they had to go. I explained to her that the dogs are not allowed in the house, and I would pay her an extra hundred dollars a month if that would help. She said that was not necessary. So last week, when she was here mowing, I gave her my rent check, and she complained I hadn’t given her the extra $100. So I went back in the house and grabbed another hundred and gave it to her. I asked if, by chance, she was going to fix the slider anytime soon. She told me she wasn’t fixing the slider until the dogs were gone. SLUMLORD
So this is why I do not feel bad having dogs here when it isn’t a part of the lease agreement. Not to mention the string of drug users that have lived on the other side that they agreed to let live there because they were trying to “witness” to them. She is the kind of person who gives Christianity a bad name. She is so far from christlike, but her husband always threw his “God bless you’s” around every time he was here. 🤮🤢
My daughter has done a 180 since a couple Fridays ago when I told her she had to leave by the end of May. Where she was up doing school work, walking the dogs and engaging with me, now she is sleeping, drinking, and yelling at me.
I have warned her twice that I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home. Both times, she acknowledged my feelings and apologized and seemed to try better. Today, though, was my final straw. Her outburst is unacceptable.
It’s Mother’s Day. She has walked through the house 3 times and not said a word to me. And then she finally asked me if she could have a mirror that I had laying in the basement. She comes in to cook some eggs, and I ask her about her day. She explains that she has a lot of schoolwork to do. I lay a housing packet down that had been given to me with some really good information. I say that it would be good to look at it. She gets angry and says she does not have time. I very gently try to ask her to help me understand why she can’t make the time to look for proper housing. Two minutes later she is storming out calling me a “fucking cunt” again 🤷♀️
I again find myself straddling this chasm. On the one side, my heart breaks for her. She just started working and will have no place to live by the end of May. She’ll be back living off the streets, and then it’s so much harder to do the right thing every day. On the other side I am frustrated that she isn’t trying while she has use of my place to get herself in a better position by the end of May.
Awww, motherhood…..the most complicated job I have ever had. Sometimes, the emotions are like the spinner dial at the carnival. What will I get today? Win the big prize or the booby prize? Big prize or booby prize (btw, where did that term come from? Now that I have typed it twice, it seems really weird 😅) It’s the most wonderful job I have ever had. I now have two grandkids, and my oldest is a fabulous mother. Grandma is certainly the BEST job.
My mom has walked with me through EVERY valley and mountain. I simply do not want to imagine life without her. She has endured a lot in her 81 years and continues to be a source of joy and encouragement. If you know her, you know this is no one sweeter than my mom ❤️
At the end of the day, I love all my girls fiercely. Sometimes, that love has to be framed with some healthy boundaries. Tomorrow, I will have to give my homeless daughter two weeks to be out of my driveway. That was the agreement.
If a situation arises that any of this becomes a problem, I will talk to you about them before revoking the privilege. I will give you 2 weeks’ notice if any of these options change.
Several warnings regarding disrespect seems to be an unresolvable situation 😕 For today, I will enjoy motherhood knowing I did my best.
Some fun memories of all the girls.
In the words of Anne Lamott, “Are love and compassion up to the stark realities we face at the dinner table, and down the street and at the melting ice caps….? Maybe; I think so.
As a mother am I up for the stark realities of motherhood? The really tough days? Maybe; I think so.
findingkympossible 
Has a mom we feel the pain our children feel has they go through the ups downs of life, even when they are not nice to us we still love them unconditionally. Hugs to you on mother’s day.
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